I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize