It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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