My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
