every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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