I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize