New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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