Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
