Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
