So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
