Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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