his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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