When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
