dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
bring money and cleavage
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
