I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
