Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
be right there i have to get my cape
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize