I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
