I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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