Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
