who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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