Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
