So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
