Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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