There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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