i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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