he thought i was a dude.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
