3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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