so explain again why im purple
no
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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