ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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