I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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