I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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