If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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