Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
