I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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