there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
