one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
