the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
