new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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