he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
