We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
