Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
