All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
