your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
