Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
