I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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