I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he fucked my hip out of place.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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