TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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