I'm really into asian looking animals
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
