Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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