that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
