There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize