i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
