We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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