Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
