It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
