dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
