I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
