when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
