I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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