My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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