Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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