Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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