The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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