If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
