Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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