Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
