i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
