And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize