i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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