literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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