I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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