lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
