Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
