Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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