Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
