I just saw a hot homeless man
I CAN MOONWALK!
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
