I wanna bring you to show and tell
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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