I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I forget how to act sober
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