So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
