i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
