actually, I'm a sock model
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
