I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
