I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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