all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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