so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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